Beyond Willpower: How Mettā Heals the Struggle with Lust
The practice of celibacy is found in almost every genuine spiritual path. The retention of vital energy is essential for refined mental clarity, deep contemplation, and studying sacred texts. To reach higher energy levels, this core life force must be preserved rather than wasted.
During my time as a Hare Kŗṣņa devotee, I tried hard to practice strict celibacy. But it was a constant, exhausting struggle. Every two weeks, I would fail in my vow and indulge in masturbation. I was completely unsuccessful at retaining my vital energy, and the constant friction left me depleted.
Long story short, after nearly two years in the ashram, I gave up and returned to a materialistic life of sense gratification. Predictably, my internal suffering and frustration only increased. This pain eventually motivated me to seek solace in spiritual life once again.
By that time, my spiritual mentor had transitioned to investigating the Buddhist Path and its practices. I stayed in contact with him, reading the books he wrote about his experiences as a Buddhist monk. Intrigued by the philosophy, I decided to try the practice of mettā (loving-kindness). Right away, I felt a temporary relief from my suffering.
After practicing mettā occasionally, I realized I needed to get serious. I decided to pursue it fully until I achieved permanent relief from my inner unrest. I was deeply drawn to the promise of internal bliss and the eleven distinct benefits of cultivating goodwill outlined by the Buddha:
“Monks, for one whose awareness-release through good will is cultivated, developed, pursued, handed the reins and taken as a basis, given a grounding, steadied, consolidated, and well-undertaken, eleven benefits can be expected. Which eleven?
One sleeps easily, wakes easily, dreams no evil dreams. One is dear to human beings, dear to non-human beings. The devas protect one. Neither fire, poison, nor weapons can touch one. One’s mind gains concentration quickly. One’s complexion is bright. One dies unconfused and — if penetrating no higher — is headed for the Brahma worlds.” — Metta Sutta (AN 11.16)
Months passed. I practiced mettā every single day. Once the initial trial period was over, the deeper benefits began to surface, exactly as the Buddha promised. Most importantly, my underlying suffering started to decrease. Permanently.
However, my relationship with sexual desire didn’t change overnight. Even while experiencing the peaceful benefits of mettā, I was still filled with lust. I would still fall down from my path into compulsive habits. It took two full years of consistent, daily practice before I finally started to feel a structural decline in my sexual cravings.
Slowly, an organic spiritual strength began to replace my old willpower. My lustful thoughts were gradually cleansed by the continuous sound of the mettā mantra. The urge to surf porn websites began to dissolve.
It was a long process, but I was finally winning—not through force, but through purification. Today, the thought of masturbating almost never crosses my mind. The grip of lust has loosened from my consciousness significantly. I am losing lust just as I am losing other fetters—without leaving a trace behind. Even the emotional memory of what it felt like to be trapped by that desire is being erased.
This is the radical transformation of consciousness that mettā induces in a serious practitioner. When your mental impurities are finally dissolved in the fire of goodwill, what is left behind?
Pure, unadulterated awareness, and peace.
May you always be happy! May you find peace through mettā!