Happiness in the Mode of Goodness
„That which in the beginning may be just like poison but at the end is just like nectar and which awakens one to self-realization is said to be happiness in the mode of goodness.” -- Bhagavad-gita 18.37
The happiness which comes as a result of practicing mettā is happiness in the mode of goodness. Mettā is genuine sādhana because it fosters spiritual advancement.
All sādhanas are bitter in the beginning. This is true for mettā too. In the beginning of the practice, our minds are very impure — basically insane. Mental purification can be very difficult in that period of the path. It is crucial to have a good association and guidance because we may decide to quit our sādhana just because is so darn hard. That’s why the association of advanced sādhakas gives us inspiration to advance, in spite of difficulties.
But after some time, we do experience some bliss. This may be very little in the beginning stages but it’s there. As we make progress, our capacity to enjoy bliss only grows bigger. Our minds become pure, our grasping for pleasure subdues, and we can be happier. This is where sādhana becomes like nectar.
There is, of course, the tendency to grasp for and cling to the spiritual bliss. We may want to make yet another self based on the bliss that comes from sādhana. This is when spiritual bliss quickly fades away. I know this because I tried to ‘capture’ bliss many times in my practice. Every time I did this, I got tensed up and I’ve lost the bliss.
So when the real happiness comes up in your practice, enjoy it. You may be surprised. This is only natural when you have the spiritual experience for the first time. I know it’s almost impossible to ask from you this, but don’t try to enjoy the bliss like another material object of the senses. It will go away. Don’t try to make plans for your new experience of happiness. That alters the right motivation, which is wishing wellness and happiness for all beings. It will take some time to stop chasing bliss and just do mettā.