The Results of Sādhana are not Immediately Apparent
I remember the days when I just started my sādhana of meditation on mettā. I wasn't getting the expected results of happiness and bliss. Why? Because I wasn't qualified to receive the results. My mind was dirty, full of ignorance. My senses uncontrolled. I had many wrong notions about what constitutes happiness or relief from suffering. I was so accustomed to sadness and unhappiness that if a spark of bliss appeared in my being, I immediately went to grab it, loosing in on the way. It was actually strange and sometimes scary to feel blisfull again.
So in the beginning I had to tolerate all of that and patiently continue to practice mettā every day. Sometimes my faith and sincerity was being tested. Since I wasn't getting the results, I was asking myself why should I even continue the practice. But I had a mentor—Dev Bhagavān. He reported that he experienced very deep bliss and he apparently looked very happy about his spiritual life. I trusted him and continued to advance into the unknown theritory.
My mind was protesting. He was getting cleansed from all kinds of mental problems, small insanities and various mental difficulties that make our life miserable. I had to go through a periof of intense personal (psychological) change. This wasn't easy because everything was changing and sometimes I was afraid that I will go nuts. That's why I didn't rush with my practice. I was patiently and methodically chanting the mettā mantra sabbe sattā bhavantu sukhitattā (May all beings be happy!) and slowly made spiritual advancement.
I didn’t, couldn't perceive the advancement I was making , but looking back I saw the big changes that occured. The unnatural tendencies of the conditioned mind were disappearing. I could experience longer period of bliss and happiness. My visuals widened and improved; my visuals became more clear and crisp. And finally, after three years of mettā-sādhana I experienced a profound and universal silence. It was everywhere, like a big ocean. It was louder than the ordinary sound vibration.
So dear reader,.I leave you here. This is my little account of the spiritual advancement I was making. I hope this inspires you to investigate spiritual life and practices and maybe even start a spiritual path in this very human form of life.
May you be happy and free from suffering!